Your astrological sign as a Christmas song

ASTROLOGY (GETTY)

Astrology might seem a little silly but, there are lots of people that find it useful. There is a New York Times list that correlates your sign with a specific Christmas song. I am a Capricorn. So, my song is “Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues. Original article here.

Aries: “Father Christmas”,  The Kinks:  “Humor and aggression?  Calling out [BS] to the tune of Christmas bells?  Unrepentant ram energy.”

Taurus:  “Christmas in Hollis”,  Run-D.M.C:  “Taurus rules the second house of material goods and earthly delights . . . this banger tells the tale of a Good Samaritan rewarded with a million in cash, a yule log, and a belly full of macaroni and cheese.”

Gemini: “The Little Drummer Boy”,  Frank Sinatra:  “Leave it to a Gemini to fail to bring a gift for a newborn demi-god and improvise with a drum solo.  Pure mutability, pa rum pum pum pum.”  (???)

Cancer: “Last Christmas”,  Wham!:  “George Michael was a Cancer king, and this banger is positively awash in those cardinal, emo waters.  Still, lamenting a doomed love affair an entire year later?”

Leo: “All I Want for Christmas Is You”,  Mariah Carey:  “Leo is a fixed fire sign that rules the heart, demanding absolute allegiance and utter worship from their loved ones and acolytes.”

Virgo: “White Christmas”,  Bing Crosby:  “A holiday without blemish or upset?  A covetable kind of Christmas for the purifying Virgo.”

Libra: “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”,  John Lennon, Yoko Ono, and The Plastic Ono Band:  “Mr. John Lennon, the most famous Libra in musical history . . . Sweeten the hard truths and softly sing your agenda?  Libra to the hilt.”

Scorpio: “River”,  Joni Mitchell:  “Scorpio sage Joni Mitchell sings the song of her people . . . Moody, self-loathing, and beautiful in the way only funerals, turtlenecks, and frozen longing can be.”

Sagittarius: “Feliz Navidad”,  José Feliciano:  “This song sounds like a party, and that’s really the M.O. of every Sagittarius who ever raised a jug of wine or arrow to the sky.”

Capricorn: “Fairy Tale of New York”,  The Pogues:  “Shane MacGowan was a Capricorn . . . [It’s] refreshingly void of sentiment (just like a sea goat likes it) but still carries a high note for hope.”

Aquarius: “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”,  Band Aid:  “Aquarius is the sign of community organizing and humanitarian responsibility . . . the song raised $10 million for the [Ethiopian famine] in a single year.”

Pisces: “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday”,  Wizzard:  “[It] perfectly suits the escapist tendencies, tinseled temperaments, and sugar plum preferences of the Pisces ilk.”

Tank

Jake "Tank" Mitchell

If you asked Tank why he got in to radio he will tell you “Some kids wanted to be Zach Morris. I wanted to be ‘Dr’ Johnny Fever.” There isn’t anything else in the world that Tank could see himself doing.

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